Addendum to prior

Aristotle should have been Socrates....I'M HUMAN!!

Mileage v Previous Owners

Aristotle eat your heart out (and DON'T answer that with another question!!!!). The great debate circles of our modern times are construction sites. Today I was asked if you'd rather be dating someone who's been with 10 or more people or 5 or less. Many words were passed until this gem came to the limelight
"She's been with 4 guys sure, but she's probably been fucked a few thousand times...."
Sometimes I really hate my job but occasionally God throws you a gem.

-EKGrimsrud

Recipe for Poetic Justice

Everyone remembers that asshole that held some sort of positional authority over you at one point in your life or another. Ya know, the gym coach that berates the borderline autistic art/music savant at the rope climb or maybe even your dad before you entered that Crème Brûlée contest at his company Christmas party. Here's a regional recipe from the naval archives that with just a little tweaking of your own you can make all your own!

EKGRIMSRUD (CONTRIBUTING WRITER'S) RECIPE FOR POETIC JUSTICE
-Start with one horribly out of shape authorative figure
-Promote and marinate the following flavors for 5-6 months: arrogance, self-importance, mustasche, bug eyes and rocketsauce (of course!!!!)
-Simmer his hopes and dreams in a pan of feigned mutual interest for his goals and then at 375 degrees promote on to something WAY over his head....LIKE THE WHITE HOUSE!!
***Important Poetic Tip***
-Now make SURE you warn this person of whatever it is that fails them to qualify for this position (i.e. any workable sexual organ or maybe the inability to count sequentially to 5) and ENCOURAGE them heavily to correct their shortcomings. This is where those flavors of arrogance and self-importance really work their magic!
-Enjoy your dish as he's rejected at the front door and sent packing as a line cook in Aberdeen, Maryland!!

Your results will vary wildly and the cooking steps will require a little imagination but as Mr. Food, who should REALLY be Dom DeLuise says "it is soooooo good!"

Recipe Number Awesome

Now I know what you're maybe thinking. You're maybe thinking that "awesome" is not a "number." If this sounds like something that you might agree with, come on over and pull up a chair, buddy. Actually, on second thought, just go ahead and sit right there on the floor. You see, chairs are awesome, and since awesome definitely equals chair, and you hate awesome, you get to sit on the floor. See how this works? I'm in charge here, stupid.

How, in this great glorious continent of almighty awesome, could someone possibly defy the power of the number awesome? Let me answer this question by asking YOU a question.. You're retarded. Now I'm pretty sure that "You're retarded" isn't very PC (which stands for Please Kill Yourself), nor is it a question. That was a test, and you failed again. Why? Because first of all you're on the floor, which isn't awesome. naturally it follows that if you're not in an awesome sitting position, you're retarded (I bet you regret your stupid rejection of the awesome = 1 eqation now, stupid).

Now on to the today's recipe, boys and really hot girls that wanna bone me.

RILEYV'S ROCKETSKOOP OF SPECIAL AWESOME
Take one scoop of awesome
Add some salt (preferably awesome brand awesome salt)
Flip the oven to rock and roll flavor
Kick that asshole on the floor over there
Pick up the "rocketsauce" brand rocket oven with large lifting thing (preferably a crane, helicopter, or my personal favorite, rocketsauce brand super rocket) and drop it approximately 400,000 feet

Awesome? You better believe it, stupid.

You're welcome.

-RileyV